


Excuses Excuses

by KnifeofIce



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: M/M, School teacher AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:55:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3160271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnifeofIce/pseuds/KnifeofIce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanai has a crush on the school’s psychologist, Suyama! But is there someone else going after him first…?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was done as a present for Bridges (oldbridges @tumblr)!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Beta'd by asokkalypsenow @tumblr  
> Illustrations by whythemadman @tumblr

Hanai was beginning to run out of excuses for why he couldn’t find time to have lunch with his coworker, one Suyama Shouji, the school’s psychologist. It was getting to the point that he would begin to think of one almost as soon as he woke up. It became part of his morning routine, as natural as brushing his teeth. It wasn’t because he disliked Suyama—in fact it was the opposite. He was certain he couldn’t keep himself fully composed around Suyama for long enough to last through lunch. The mere thought made his face light up, embarrassed thinking about how obvious his thoughts might be. All this not even taking into account that Suyama may be one of the most experienced people he knows at reading people. No, spending too much time with him was out of the question. Suyama would be able to tell right away. Time alone with him was perilous. Spent at his own risk. He would rather avoid extra time with him as much as possible.

This of course came with a sacrifice. They had gotten along swimmingly until Hanai had the realization that he liked Suyama as more than just a coworker or as a friend. Since that moment, when he stood frozen over his kitchen sink, in too much shock to realize that the water had run freezing cold while he did his dishes, making eye contact seemed to be a chore. A chore in which he was certain that Suyama could then read his every thought for the rest of the day afterwards. Now he knew that to simply not be true, but acting like everything was normal was not something Hanai Azusa was terribly good at. And so here he was, running his hands through his hair to make it sit how he wanted while contemplating how he was going to get around lunch plans today.

But the opportunity to use the excuse (one of his sisters had called him and he planned to return her call during the lunch hour), never came.

Suyama never approached him today.

In fact, he can’t remember seeing him at all.

He couldn’t possibly be mad at him finally for getting an excuse every time he tried to invite Hanai to eat lunch together…could he? Suyama had asked him to have lunch every day of work for the past three weeks.

Hanai stared down at the bun that was his lunch that he had picked up from the conbini this morning. Something wasn’t right. He pushed his seat back away from his desk and some of his coworkers looked at him funny when he marched past all of them out of the staff room.

He slide the door open and closed with more force than he meant to, cringing slightly as he continued on down the hall, pushing past some rambunctious students vacating their own classrooms to visit their friends, threatening punishment behind his back for being excessively

loud. His mind raced with a flurry of thoughts, all concerning the person they usually did these past couple of weeks. Suyama wasn’t the type to hold a grudge for such a thing…right? He couldn’t have noticed. Hanai’s footsteps slowed, sun beaming in through the windows and warming one side. He couldn’t have noticed that Hanai had a…a…

The word “crush” floated across his mind and he shook his head vigorously. What a childish word. Something his students would use. He was an adult, he didn’t have “crushes”. Well then what the hell was this? “Attraction” sounded more mature to him, less fleeting and less like a teenager not knowing what to look for in a relationship and so going on a brief impression. Yeah. This was far more level-headed. He snapped out of his brief inner monologue to realize he had been standing in the same spot for a minute or so rationalizing what exactly it was that he felt for Suyama. A quick glance at his watch told him he needed to get a move on if he was going to scold the school’s psychologist before the lunch hour was over. He forced his legs to move one in front of the other.

He stood in front of the office door, hand closed in a fist in midair, not able to bring himself to knock right away. Why did he care so much? If he wasn’t going to accept an invitation anyway, why was he looking for Suyama? To see if he was even in today? Or to confirm that he had, in fact, decided not to ask after him today? Was he looking to see if Suyama was now ignoring him? And if he was, what would showing up at his office do? How would he react? He wasn’t sure he had ever seen Suyama in anything less than a pleasant mood. He supposed that came with the territory of listening to other people’s problems all day—at least  _appearing_  pleasant.

As he inhaled the warming air, sunlight fading to afternoon, he brought his hand down to refocus. He was just seeing if Suyama was okay. If everything was okay. Between them. It didn’t have to imply anything. Just a coworker checking on another coworker. Right. He let out his breath and brought his fist up with renewed will.

…Until the door to the office swung open.

A redhead nearly crashed into him on his way out, head turned back as though to throw a last thought over his shoulder to the lone occupant of the room. He turned just in time to see Hanai standing in front of him, startled backwards a couple of steps. Getting a proper look at his face, Hanai realized this was the somewhat new music teacher, Mizutani Fumiki. Fresh from college, he barely looked older than the students he taught. And his face was flushed a brilliant red that almost complemented his hair. He blinked a few times up at Hanai.

"S-sorry! ‘Scuse me!" he stuttered out, sidestepping Hanai to get past him and power walk away, head down, curtain of hair hiding most of his crimson cheeks. With the door cracked open into the office, Hanai heard a voice calling him inside. He must have been standing there a while, gears

turning, trying to figure out what could have transpired within the office to cause the usually energetic music teacher to leave in such a flustered manner. And any explanation Hanai could think of led to the same gut-twisting feeling in the pit of his stomach. He snapped out of it when he heard his name. He turned towards the voice and realized it was Suyama. Carefully rearranging his face to make it at least  _feel_  neutral was proving to be a difficult task, but there was no time to linger on it. He moved inside and shut the door behind him.

Hanai leaned back against the heavy wooden door as his eyes scanned around the office, calming pictures of scenery hanging, a light sweet scent in the air presumably from the reeds sticking out of the small jar of oil on the large oaken desk in front of him. All to create a comfortable atmosphere that might facilitate intimacy of the kind needed to trust a complete stranger with your innermost fears and anxieties. Behind the desk sat none other than the school’s psychologist, leaning back in his chair, mildly confused look on his face. For some reason that look felt like a small pressure in his chest, as though he didn’t know  _exactly_  why Hanai was there.

"Hanai? Something happen?"

It was irritating.

"Wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t see you earlier."

"You mean I didn’t come to ask if you wanted to have lunch today."

Hanai felt the careful neutrality melt away at that instant as his own cheeks flared up, brain trying to control his body and recover from this betrayal of his blood supply. Suyama’s face resumed its normally calm and pleasant demeanor, hint of a smile playing at his lips.

"N-No that’s not it! I usually see you before lunch anyway. I just didn’t see you at all."

"So you just wanted to see my face then. That’s nice of you."

Hanai wished the floor would open and swallow him up.

When the silence stretched on an uncomfortably long time, presumably to give Hanai a chance to explain himself, Suyama spoke up again.

"Sorry, I had a meeting and couldn’t ask if you wanted to get lunch with me."

While the question burned at the tip of his tongue  _What the hell kind of meeting was that?_ , Hanai bit down on it in favor of a retort.

"I had to call my sister anyway. It didn’t take as long as I thought, so I figured I would see if you were even in today. A bunch of the students are sick so it wouldn’t be strange if some of us caught it too."

Suyama hummed in agreement, seeming to buy Hanai’s admittedly lame explanation as he leaned forward, holding his chin up in one hand as he watched Hanai. It was like he was analyzing Hanai, who shifted uncomfortably. With a hasty excuse for why he suddenly had to leave, Suyama spoke up as Hanai’s hand gripped and twisted the door handle.

"You don’t need an excuse to see me, you know."

Hanai made a noncommittal sound to show he heard as he hurried out the door of the suddenly too-small office, running his hands through his hair as he headed back towards the staff room. He paused to look outside and calm his pounding heart.

Sometimes he was absolutely positive that Suyama could see right through him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hanai looked outside, one hand propping up his chin. Still raining, still dark, still dreary and wet. The last of his students left the room for the day and he packed up his papers that needed grading. He would have been able to start grading them that night, but the staff meeting was expected to last a while. He didn’t think he’d be in any sort of mood to be lenient with grading afterwards, he thought with a frown.

He sighed and picked up his bag, not able to help how his feet dragged on his way to the conference room. The constant rain for the past few days left him in a sour state, not wanting to get up and go to work, knowing his shoes would be wet by the time he arrived. Nothing quite ruined one’s day like soggy feet.

Today was also the day that Hanai conceded defeat. He couldn’t think of a unique reason not to have lunch with Suyama. He hadn’t been approached by Suyama since that day last week. He tried not to let it bother him…but there was a thought that nibbled at him slowly since then. Mizutani’s face leaving his office. He couldn’t deny that he had left the office in almost an identical state, but that could have meant the newest staff member felt the same for Suyama as he did. If that was the case, Hanai was sure he wouldn’t be able to tolerate it. What if that time last week wasn’t the first time he had been in Suyama’s office? What if that had been a regular thing, just at different times of the day?

Today though, he finally let the gnawing thoughts win, angrily snatching up his lunch and leaving the staff room in a huff to a few stares. He went to Suyama’s office, bun from the conbini in hand and knocked on his door (with more force than necessary). Suyama seemed pleasantly surprised when Hanai peeked his head around the door to ask if he was busy and if not, willing to have lunch together. With a small nod and a motion towards the chair across from his desk, Suyama then reached into a drawer to pull out a small lunchbox, delicately wrapped in a blue gingham cloth. Hanai would have found it funny, possibly cute, had he not been so focused on not making eye contact and keeping his heart rate under control. He had sat and opened his bun, taking a bite into it before realizing that Suyama was eating what looked like a very elaborate, homemade lunchbox. His chewing slowed as he wondered who made it. He nearly fell out of his chair when Suyama asked if he wanted a bite, he had made it himself. He wondered if all psychologists had the uncanny timing, near telepathy, that Suyama seemed to possess. He wondered if he was the only person this happened with. It took a couple of seconds for the embarrassment to set in. He declined politely, to which Suyama shrugged and continued to eat.

They continued on like that in silence, Hanai squirming slightly in the chair and unable to make eye contact. Suyama seemed determined not to start a conversation, instead enjoying the quiet, like he was waiting for Hanai to say something first. The atmosphere was starting to weigh heavily on Hanai’s shoulders. He glanced back over at Suyama’s lunchbox, impressed that he had created something so involved just for lunch. He wondered how good of a cook Suyama was. He didn’t think he was bad, just lacked the effort after a day of teaching and then going home to read his students’ essays. Though, it would be nice if someone made him a lunch that looked like Suyama’s. Hanai could feel his ears turn hot at the thought. Hanai finished his lunch and excused himself, saying he wanted to get a headstart on grading for today since the staff meeting later on would cut into his time quite a bit. Suyama was mid-bite when Hanai stood and left without even giving him a chance to say “see you later”.

He gripped the strap that lay across his chest tightly as he walked towards the staff room. He knew he should have maybe tried harder to engage Suyama after basically avoiding him for a few days. He couldn’t think of anything to say at the time that might be interesting, plus Suyama didn’t seem to mind so much. His legs brought him in front of the conference room as though on autopilot as he drowned in his thoughts. Time to get this meeting over with.

He pushed open the door and was almost physically forced back by the volume of chatter in the room. No one seemed particularly thrilled to be there, but the meeting hadn’t started yet. Hanai sat at one end of the long rectangular table designed to fit the school’s staff around it. He shoved his bag underneath the table and sat back in his chair, not bothering too much to hide his displeasure, arms crossed at his chest, brows furrowed, frown firmly tugging down on his lips. He could be doing much more productive things with this time than talking about the school festival. With a sigh that got lost in the general buzz of the room, Hanai bent down under the table to grab a piece of paper and a pen in case by some off chance something important was said during the meeting. When he found what he was looking for after rifling through some other papers, he sat back up in his seat and saw that Abe-sensei had taken a seat next to another colleague.

Abe was an interesting person, a young doctor fresh out of training. Talking to him for five minutes made it abundantly clear that he was far smarter than Hanai ever hoped to be. Hanai just couldn’t understand why a doctor as intelligent as him would want to spend his days here at Nishiura High School when he could be saving lives in a hospital setting. Oh well. Not his concern.

He was about to forget ever thinking about Abe-sensei, eyes scanning down to his empty sheet of paper and pen tapping against the table, until he saw none other than Suyama making his way to sit in the one empty seat next to Abe-sensei. He had a warm, friendly smile as he slipped into Abe-sensei’s personal space, immediately striking up a conversation that got lost travelling across the room. Amazingly, Hanai could see Abe-sensei’s lips curl into what appeared to be a small smile. This was a rare sight. Hanai’s stomach did a small flip when he saw who then sat on the other side of Suyama—Mizutani, who he hadn’t seen since that time at Suyama’s office. He seemed uncomfortable as he took a seat, eyes glancing over to his right at the two that Hanai had been watching. Hanai leaned forward, one arm propping his head up, elbow on the table as the meeting began, quieting down the ambient noise. However, he wasn’t interested in listening to Vice Principal Shinooka speak about the standard rules and expectations for the upcoming school festival. He was far more interested in why Mizutani was squirming slightly, small frown on his face as he nudged Suyama and whispered something into his ear. Mizutani was well known around the school for his (sometimes too) carefree attitude, so to see him react like this around Suyama twice…well, Hanai hadn’t realized how tightly he’d been gripping his pen until that moment. He didn’t bother kidding himself about why his chest felt tight when he saw Suyama respond with what appeared to be a barely hidden, devious grin. He had to tear his eyes away.

Hanai wasn’t denying himself for the fun of it. He was merely thinking of his career, and more importantly, Suyama’s, should he want to move on elsewhere. It wouldn’t be proper for two faculty members to be seeing each other, especially when they were around the gossip mills that were high school students. Sometimes though, his colleagues were just as bad. It was better this way. It would be better if they never dated at all. It would be better if Hanai saved himself potential heartache if he was assuming too much anyway. Maybe Suyama wasn’t interested in him at all and he was misinterpreting simple friendliness. It was easier like this than to think about what would happen if they dated and things didn’t work out. Work would become a difficult maze of tiptoeing around each other, awkward avoidance of each other’s gaze, and a generally troublesome environment that he didn’t want to be a part of. He was fine like this, he told himself.

A small shake of his shoulder had him blinking and looking right into Shinooka’s eyes.

"The meeting ended a minute ago and you haven’t moved," she said, small smile gracing her delicate features.

Hanai looked around and realized all of his colleagues were getting up to leave, many gone already. Suyama, Mizutani and Abe-sensei were nowhere to be found. He sheepishly apologized to her and quickly packed away his still blank sheet of paper and pen, hoping she didn’t realize he hadn’t paid attention to a word she said. He would ask someone later. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Hanai said goodbye to whoever still remained in the room.

He pulled his umbrella out from a side pocket as he balked at the downpour. It opened with a small  _fwoosh_ , as he prepared himself for the cold, wet shoes he would have to endure during the walk home. A few steps out into the rain, drops gently pounding on the fabric over his head, he heard shouting and splashing water. Were there still students around? School ended well over an hour ago. He looked in the general direction of the ruckus. Suyama and Mizutani stood under a single umbrella, Suyama laughing at a distraught-looking Mizutani that was far too close to him. _What the actual hell were they…?_

_ _

 

Had Hanai missed his chance? Did Mizutani actually  _snipe_  Suyama out from under his nose? That uncomfortable, fluttery feeling spread through his stomach coupled with an unpleasant squeezing in his chest. Suyama wasn’t exactly his for Mizutani to take. He decided that he wouldn’t go after Suyama didn’t he? So why was he so concerned about Mizutani going after Suyama? What did he care if Suyama liked Mizutani too? It was none of his business. The thought left a bitterness in the back of his throat that made him forget the dampness of his socks as he made his way home through the awful, unrelenting storm, left to drown in his resentment.


	3. Chapter 3

A small sheet of paper with barely legible scrawl sat on the small pile of essays he had recently collected from his students. Hanai looked down at the note curiously, flipping it over to look at the blank back of the sheet of paper. No signature. The handwriting didn’t look familiar either, though he admittedly didn’t know anyone’s handwriting that well other than his student’s. He certainly _hoped_  this wasn’t any of his student’s writing.

_Meet me tomorrow outside of the music room at 3 pm._

Well, tomorrow was the school festival. He would be around supervising anyway. The whole situation seemed strange. Did he miss a part of the note? Was there another sheet that he dropped somewhere with someone’s name or any other indication as to the identity of the writer? After effectively tearing apart his desk and looking under it, even  _in_  it, he came to the conclusion that no, there wasn’t anything more to it. This was all disturbingly familiar until he had an epiphany while sitting at his small, wooden kitchen table that evening grading papers. This was the same setup from a shoujo manga of Haruka’s that he had read years ago. A lovestruck student asked to meet her teacher in a private part of the school to confess her love. She left an unsigned note, afraid of revealing her identity lest the teacher not come at all. And so, she meets the teacher, who is surprised to say the least…and then he can’t remember how it ended up.

If it was one of his students, he told himself as he dodged out of the way of some elementary school kids, he would just decline and be on his way. No big deal. He could feel his light lunch obtained from his class’s café setup churning in his stomach making him queasy as he got closer and closer to the music room. The decorations were beginning to thin out as he approached the part of the school not being used for festival activities—mainly the club and music rooms. It seemed bland compared to the gaudy, colorful, handmade decorations the students had worked so hard on the past couple of weeks. He saw no one down the quiet, abandoned hallway and he inhaled deeply, letting the breath go slowly, marching forward to the music room. A peek down at his watch let him know he was a minute early. He kept his back to the door as he folded his arms across his chest, feeling the rhythmic pounding of his blood in his ears, watching the one end of the hall that it was possible for this person to come from. A small _thump_  behind him froze him in place. Hanai jumped when the door behind him began to slide open, heart hammering nearly out of his chest. He whipped around and put his arms up in defense. He stared right into the face of a horrified looking redhead. His arms too were up, though in a gesture of surrender. “It’s just me, Hanai-san!” Mizutani blurted out, waving his hands in front of him. It took Hanai a couple of seconds to process the situation, that he wasn’t in immediate danger, before his body relaxed. Irritation bubbled in his chest and his face grew hot, vein pulsating in his neck.

"What the hell were you doing in there anyway?!"

"Waiting for you to show up. I sent the note," Mizutani replied quietly, looking up at Hanai with an uncharacteristically apologetic expression. "I thought you might not come if you knew who was asking to meet you."

Hanai couldn’t help it. A brief thought crossed his mind.  _What if Mizutani was the one that was going to confess to him?_  He shook his head vigorously. There was no way. After all, it was pretty obvious who Mizutani was really going after, he recalled sullenly. Hanai looked back up at Mizutani, face set as neutral as possible as he folded his arms across his chest.

"Oh? And why do you say that?"

"C’mon, I never see you hanging around Suyama-san anymore. You two were around each other a lot before I started to talk to him. I haven’t seen you two together for a couple of weeks now."

Hanai blinked a few times.

"Every time I’ve been around Suyama-san lately, you make a really scary face at me," he said sheepishly, wry smile sneaking its way onto his lips, like a child with his hand caught in a cookie jar. He had been watching Hanai more carefully than Hanai had cared to imagine. Well, that and Hanai hadn’t realized he had been making any kind of face at Mizutani. Hanai stood there, stunned into silence, trying to think of something intelligible to say that didn’t reveal is feelings one way or another. Every time he thought he had something on the tip of his tongue, he would bite it down. Too revealing. Mizutani let him struggle for what felt like an eternity, watching him expectantly with big, curious, hazel eyes. When nothing came, he spoke again. "Ah, I just wanted to clarify that I don’t have a thing for Suyama-san," he said, all trace of shame gone from his face as he cracked into a wide grin. The bottom dropped out of Hanai’s stomach. Completely wrong. He had been completely wrong about Mizutani and Suyama. But  _anyone_  would have come to that conclusion.

And then his face  _lit on fire_. Tips of his ears burning, Hanai attempted to choke out a “No you’ve got it all wrong, what are you talking about”, when suddenly a broad figure rounded the corner, stiffness in his step. Mizutani didn’t get a chance to comment about Hanai’s sputtering before he was grabbed by the wrist by Abe-sensei. Without a word of acknowledgment towards either of them, Abe turned and dragged Mizutani along behind him, who yelped in surprise. Before Hanai could say anything to either of them, they were around the corner of the hallway, out of sight, Mizutani’s protests echoing further away.

Hanai wished he could at least thank Abe-sensei for getting him out of what was possibly the most awkward moment of his life. He gave himself a couple of minutes to take a few deep breaths, feeling his temperature return to normal, even going so far as to feel his ears for any lingering heat that might give him away. Straightening up, he walked back around the corner, neither Mizutani nor Abe-sensei visible down the hall. A strange lightness overtook him as he floated back to his classroom, unable to keep the small smile off of his face.


	4. Chapter 4

A half hour later after the students began to clean up, Hanai excused himself to a chorus of “See you tomorrow”s. Up and down the hallway students took down the signs, posters, colorful banners and streamers. The bubbly feeling in his chest had yet to go away. He scooted through the main classroom hallway without disturbing any of the students and headed towards the administrative offices. His hand clasped the door knob and turned. He just needed to grab a few papers off his desk in the faculty lounge…

He froze upon hearing voices inside. A bizarre scene greeted him as he cracked the door and peeked around it.

In the back of the room, Abe-sensei leaned against one of the desks, one hand rubbing the back of his neck, eyes not quite meeting the person’s directly across from him. Mizutani stood there, arms folded across his chest with one hand pressed to his mouth. He was looking away from the door, so Hanai couldn’t see his face, but he was certain he could see a flush extending down his neck. Panic choked him as he realized if he could see _them_ , they could probably see him too if they cared enough to glance his way. As quietly as possible, he pulled the door shut and exhaled the breath he didn’t know he was holding. A vague feeling of déjà vu tugged at a corner of his mind, but he merely shrugged it off  as he continued on down the hall.  

He stood in front of the door to Suyama’s office, eyes drifting to the nameplate to its side. Hanai’s heart thumped hard in his chest as his heartrate picked up. For the first time in three weeks though, it wasn’t accompanied by dread or bitterness. He briskly knocked on the door and entered with the permission of the voice inside.  

Suyama sat hunched over his desk, stack of papers next to him, pen in hand. Most of the faculty that didn’t directly participate in the school festival came into work anyway for some reason or other. Suyama seemed to be catching up on his paperwork. Hanai’s eyes flicked back up to Suyama from the pile to be greeted with a raised eyebrow and a head tilt. Hanai leaned back against the door.

"Hanai?"

"Just ran into Mizutani. He got dragged off by Abe-sensei. Know anything about it?" He rubbed the back of his head as the scene he nearly interrupted flashed through his mind. He mentally shoved the image away. Suyama had the oddest smirk on his face as he went back to his paperwork with a not-very-convincing, "No idea."  

A minute or so passed in silence, Suyama’s face gradually returning to neutral as he focused on his desk, not even glancing at Hanai. Hanai squirmed at the heaviness in the air.  

"Did you need something?"  

Hanai’s mouth moved but no words came out. He hadn’t even thought about that. His body had practically moved on its own. Just to ask Suyama if he knew anything about what was going on between Mizutani and Abe-sensei he supposed. It seemed like the place to go after everything that happened with Mizutani. For once, he hadn’t thought three steps ahead. With a deep, harsh exhale of air, Suyama sat back in his chair and stood, both hands hitting the desk with a  _bang_  that made Hanai jump. He came around and leaned against it, arms folded and frowning. Closed off. His whole posture made Hanai double-take.  

"Hanai. Were you upset with me being around Mizutani-kun lately?"  

He could almost feel his jaw hit the floor.  

"I…uh." Damn, not even a single word came to mind. His head was spinning, words and emotions blurring, far too many swirling in his mind, but nothing could make its way down to his mouth properly. Suyama stood still across the room, expectantly. Hanai ran a hand through his hair to get a few rogue strands out of his face. He could  _feel_  the heat radiating from his cheeks.  

He was. He  _was_  upset with Suyama being around Mizutani. He thought Mizutani and Suyama had some sort of relationship. Every neuron in his brain was shouting at him to  _say_  it, _tell_  Suyama, but his throat wouldn’t cooperate. His hands gripped tightly at the strap across his chest.  

Hanai looked up when he saw movement. Suyama brought a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose.  

"I’m going to be very honest with you right now: you’re pretty easy to read. I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you. It’s exhausting."  

"Wait," Hanai finally managed to croak out. His body unfroze.  

"I’m tired of doing that too. I’m still not sure why you haven’t said anything. Are you afraid of a relationship?" Suyama cocked an eyebrow, face set in a small frown.

"If you’re implying what I think you’re implying…"

"What do you think I’m implying?"

Hanai hesitated for a second. “Th-that…you…and I…”

"Am I wrong?"  

His gaze fell on anything in the room but Suyama’s face. He didn’t think he wanted to see anything more in the world right now than Suyama’s usual small smile. The one he took for granted until now.

"No…no it’s just…we’re colleagues! I mean, what would the other faculty say? Or if one of the students accidentally found out?" The words spilled out and just kept coming. "Or if something bad happened between us? It could be difficult if we wanted to go to other schools—!" Hanai wasn’t wrong in this. He couldn’t be wrong.  

“ _Anything_  is better than how awkward it’s become between us,” Suyama muttered, eyes averted, barely audible to Hanai, who looked up at him finally.  

"You’re already thinking the ‘what if things don’t work out’ when you can’t even tell me your feelings properly. I didn’t want to approach you first, thinking I would scare you off. It looks like I was right, since you couldn’t even say ‘hi’ to me when I was simply giving advice to a friend." Suyama’s voice had a cold, hard edge to it. More biting than the calm, soothing voice Hanai had grown used to and longed to hear. Hanai’s vision seemed to dull out. He let Suyama’s words wash over him as they squeezed the breath out of him.  

Hanai’s feet started moving.  

"It’s tiring, waiting like this. I want you to tell me if I should give up."

The truth was, he was tired too. Tired of worrying, tired of thinking so far ahead, tired of considering the “what ifs” and tired of seeing Suyama like this. His whole body pulsated with how hard his heart was pumping, hands jittery as he reached one out, warm palm resting on the cheek Suyama had turned away from him. For a split second, Hanai could see Suyama’s eyes switch from dull and brooding to wide and bright, his cheeks beginning to redden before he leaned in.  

He pressed close to Suyama’s sturdy, muscular frame as their lips moved over each other’s, warm and soft. His hand moved to the back of Suyama’s neck, gently pulling him closer, mind hazy and blissfully muted. His entire subconscious seemed to be focused on completely betraying everything he had said before. Every excuse he had made not to do this right now. Focused on  _reaching_  Suyama. His other hand snaked fingers into those Suyama had spread across the desk behind to keep balance. The shame would tear into him later, but he would think about it then. Not right now. Not with the sudden fingers entwining through his hair, a soft sigh escaping the lips beneath his. Not before Suyama understood, and not before he apologized for never considering Suyama’s feelings.  

"Sorry. Don’t give up," he breathed, their lips brushing together. Hanai could feel Suyama squeeze his fingers when he pulled back a bit to watch Suyama break into the warmest, goofiest smile he had yet to see on him, complete with a flush that graced his cheekbones.  

"I won’t, but it took you long enough."  

"You don’t have to remind me already you know."

"Oh, by the way."

"Mmm?" Hanai stole a quick peck on the lips in the meantime.

"I was advising Mizutani-kun on how to get Abe-sensei interested. If anything, they’ll be good at drawing attention to keep it away from us." A positively devious grin curved his lips.  

Hanai wasn’t sure if he was more impressed or afraid of Suyama’s power of influence.


End file.
